August 10, 2006

Purina

I have a Golden retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

4 comments:

Jake Macher said...

I wish I could have been in line to hear that story. It made me laugh just reading it

-Jake

Curtis said...

you don't have a golden retriever!
and I think I would remember you being in the hospital.
you're a Phoney! A big fat PHONEY!

Gillian said...

the look on the womans face must have been a picture!

and Curtis is right, you don't have a dog!! and I think your pants are on fire!

fat jim said...

Funniest shit ever, man.