Conan!

It was a wild Tonight Show Wednesday, as Conan O’Brien, just hours from signing his walking papers to leave NBC, continued to rail against the network in his monologue (“Over the past week, ratings for the Tonight Show are up by 50 percent. When NBC executives heard this they told me, ‘See, you really don’t fit in around here’”), and welcomed Adam Sandler, Joel McHale, Ed Helms and the Masturbating Bear.

Watching the Masturbating Bear, who’d been absent from the air for 6 months and 29 days, pleasure himself on The Tonight Show was, arguably, the greatest eff you yet, so we’ll start there. After the jump, watch Sandler — who was a guest during O’Brien’s first week on Late Night 17 years ago — serenade Conan in an attempt to make him cry, then reveal what NBC actually stands for (the “C” is bleeped, but you can read his lips). Then enjoy clips of Helms performing a ditty he wrote for Conan and not to remind Oscar voters that his song from The Hangover is eligible, McHale suggesting Conan become cohost of The Soup, and Conan making NBC pay for a $1.5 million comedy bit featuring “the most expensive car in the world dressed up as a mouse.” (Correction: Conan seemed to enjoy that eff you even more.)

“Somethin’ that’s been bother me, and I think botherin’ all of America is we haven’t seen you cry yet,” Sandler says. “I’m nervous about the shooting rampage if you don’t.” Cue the music. Sandler also explains that the manager he had when he and Chris Farley got fired from Saturday Night Live told him NBC stood for “Nothing But C—s”. “Are you allowed to air that, Conan?” Sandler asks. “Can we air that? What are they gonna do to me?” Conan answers.

What better way to explain the ongoing late night television conflict than with a Chinese computer animation that looks like it was made for a malpractice attorney commercial in 1998? Clearly there is no better way. So enjoy this two-minute short starring CGI Jay Leno, CGI Ogre Conan O'Brien, CGI NBC President Jeff Zucker, CGI Jimmy Kimmel, and CGI Dr. Drew/Bespectacled Bill Clinton (Letterman). It actually lays out the situation pretty logically until the point where everyone turns into superhero parodies and starts killing each other with lens flares.





I always get mixed up with the terms: is this dramatic irony or just hypocrisy? Either way, it's perfect.