Firefighters Turned Away From Exclusive Nightclub Blaze

DETROIT—After responding to a fire at elite nightclub Tech-Noir, all 20 members of Ladder Company 24 were denied entrance and forced to stand behind the velvet rope guarding the A-list inferno as it raged on well into early Sunday morning. "There was no way I could let them in dressed like that," said bouncer Ken Hess, who asked emergency personnel to step aside while he allowed a group of good-looking, scantily clad women directly into the blaze. "If they had brought some ladies with them, then maybe. But we have to maintain some standards here." While the firefighters were reportedly saddened by the sight of 63 people burning to death, on the way back to the firehouse they agreed the club was probably just full of stuck-up bitches anyway. [Via theonion]